I usually parade around my office and eventually the building I work in, so that the cute outfit I’ve chosen for the day can be admired by many (and hopefully envied by that chick on the 5th floor that I just don’t like for no real reason – she just looks snooty to me).
Today I will make other plans.
I woke up at 6:40 this morning – well got up at 6:40 after hitting the snooze button repeatedly. 6:00 is my regular get up and go time so the 40 minute difference is a really big deal. Really.
I was so late that I stopped for a moment to consider skipping my shower to save a little time. Since the temp outside right now is near 90, I’m sure that would have been a really poor choice. My co-workers would be eternally grateful if they knew what my decision might have cost them.
Since I had to shower, I needed to find a way to save time.
Insta-clothes!
Insta-clothes are the garments in my wardrobe that never need ironing and go pretty well with almost anything. Insta-clothes have saved me from the horror of being late on more than one occasion so at 7:08 I grabbed Insta- slacks and an Insta-shirt to match the sparkly shoes I’d decided to wear today. I tip-toed out of the bedroom and quietly shut the door.
My guy “A” goes into work in the afternoons so I try to be as quiet as possible in the morning and I usually dress in the living room to let him rest.
The black slacks are insta-clothes because they’re skin tight. Skin tight. I”m usually not the hoochie at the office so understand that the shirt I chose was supposed to cover the skin tight thing. I cleverly had it all worked out and after applying my work face in the bathroom mirror above the sink I grabbed my keys, jumped in my car and made it to my building a full 1/2 hour before my start time.
I had this lovely mental image of my appearance that didn’t quite match the reflection myself on the side of the building. “Distortion”, I told myself., ‘you’re fine”.
The elevators in my building have mirrored doors.
Jali in the mirror. No distortion.
Hootchie – OMG – I’m a hootchie at the workplace.
The shirt that was supposed to make it all come together was not the shirt I was wearing. I was wearing an ‘emphasize her big ass shirt.’
R. Kelly was stuck in the closet.
I’m stuck at my desk… (I have to pee)
17 responses so far ↓
heartinsanfrancisco // July 13, 2006 at 5:14 pm |
OMG, what a hilarious (and sad) story!
I don’t know what to tell you, j. When you have to pee, nothing else will even remotely do.
Miss Ann Thrope // July 13, 2006 at 5:19 pm |
I have this cute pink dress that makes my boobs look A-maze-ing. The old guy I used to work with thought so too.
I usually have my dresses cleaned after about 3x wearing them because I have that ‘never sweat’ thing which isn’t tecnically Anhidrosis because I don’t overheat…
Anyway, this particular dress had a huge unknown substance stain that I apparently missed directly on the right nipple area.
It was like 200 degrees out (maybe not 200 but work with me here) and I wore a wool…yes, wool…cardigan all day because…just say no to nipple stains thankyouverymuch.
I feel your pain.
I haven’t done the hoochie thing yet but I think it would be fun…in an exhibitionistic kinda way.
Rev. Smokin Steve // July 13, 2006 at 7:08 pm |
I wish I could see the hootchie shirt.
~Deb // July 13, 2006 at 7:08 pm |
My worst fear: Dressing room mirrors. It’s almost as bad as those fun house mirrors…….or….ummm…is it really telling me the truth —which is the underlying fear!
You look fine girl. F*I*N*E …fine!
Maria // July 13, 2006 at 8:17 pm |
I was so here today! I too have insta-clothes. I wore my insta-dress today (black one piece) but apparently it’s shrunk (read: I’m gained weight) so it didn’t quite fit right. I was so uncomfortable that by lunch time I ran out to Ann Taylor Loft and picked up a new outfit on sale!
Lightning Bug's Butt // July 14, 2006 at 6:14 am |
Don’t fear the hoochie look. Roll with it.
Hey, I like the way you write. I’m glad you stopped by.
jali // July 14, 2006 at 12:40 pm |
heartsinsanfran,
Looking into catheters since I’m sure I’ll do this again someday (smile).
miss ann thrope,
I may need to borrow that dress – I have a negative number bra size. I have a leaking breast milk story…ah – another time.
Smokin’ Steve,
check your mail.
Psyche!
deb,
You’re a sweetheart – I snatched off the outfit as soon as I got home. Dressing room mirrors save me a lot of cash since I look so bad in most of the stuff, I leave it in the store.
maria,
I work directly across the street from 2 great malls – I just didn’t want the looks at the mall – you know, THOSE looks. I ended up wrapping my girlfriend’s sweater around my waist.
lightning bug’s butt,
I might do a little hootchie on the weekend. Your compliment is high praise since your page is outstanding. Thanks for returning the visit.
Christina_the_wench // July 14, 2006 at 1:13 pm |
OMG, hilarious, Jali. Just don’t get up too fast and rip a seam. Forget it. Don’t get up at all until 5:00pm.
There. A solution. Any man servants to cater to your every whim to achieve this goal???
Mike // July 14, 2006 at 1:26 pm |
I could lie and say I feel your pain…but frankly I look hot in everything.
*snickers*
~d (tilde) // July 14, 2006 at 1:30 pm |
Hot and fresh out the kitchen, Mama rollin’ that body got every man in here wishin’
AHHH-
~d heart hootchie mama!
SunKingpoet // July 14, 2006 at 2:13 pm |
I say pee at your desk. It works for me.
The Blonde Menace // July 14, 2006 at 4:24 pm |
I totally have insta-clothes too!! Except I wear them almost every day b/c my office is really casual. I hate waking up in the mornings so I just grab whatever I see and throw it on and am out the door. One time I wore this camisole under another shirt and the straps weren’t properly adjusted and apparantly I was showing MAJOR cleavage the whole day, my supervisor was too embarassed to say anything to me so he had a female coworker point it out. I felt like such a hoebag!!! I was so embarassed.
Dal // July 14, 2006 at 5:07 pm |
TOO funny!! You never want to be known as THE “Hoochie from the office”. Great blog!
Lynn // July 14, 2006 at 6:34 pm |
I have been stuck at my desk before for the same reasons. It’s that “getting dressed in the dark” feeling.
jali // July 14, 2006 at 8:20 pm |
christina_the_wench,
I’m a bit short in the man servant department. Will you send me a loaner?
mike,
We need photographic evidence of sdaid hotness (especially when people snickr). Post immediately!
~d,
YOU’RE the one with the big headed g-string, not me (he-he-he)
SKP,
I’m telling your wife!
Blond Menace,
Oh – they told you after the fact -how helpful!
Dal,
Thanks! Time for you to write – go to work, girl!
Lynn,
Doesn’t it feel rotten?
honeykbee // July 24, 2006 at 2:36 am |
All hail the marvels of insta-clothes!
Anonymous // April 25, 2007 at 12:41 pm |
Keep up the good work » » »