Today is day 2 and I still haven’t smoked. I called my kids to tell them – they’re supportive and good people – I even called the evil ex-husband – I’m so proud of myself.
I warned all of my coworkers that there just might be repercussions and conseqences to deal with based on my new, super special, extra-stink, nicotine-free attitude. So far they’ve all been pretty cool, offering me stories of encouragement and gum. No one has made any weight comments (I suppose they know me well enough to avoid that game) and it’s peaceful here today…so far.
I had one of those reflective nights last week when I was really sick – I couldn’t sleep and I started counting my absences from work. I scared the hell outta myself and convinced myself that my nicotine habit was the main reason for the frequency of my illnesses. I started worrying that I might smoke myself right out of my dream job.
“A” and I each picked up a pack of ciggies on Saturday aftetnoon. (I went for 12 hours prior to that and didn’t freak – I guess it was my initiation to this quitting mode). My first puff was wonderful, but the rest was a little painful and I didn’t smoke much at all that day or night.
I smoked a whole ciggie on Sunday morning, but it didn’t feel as good as I wanted it to and I made my decision then: I would buy no more cigarettes – no more.
I puffed occasionally on Sunday – the comfort of habit more than the need for nicotine, but it wasn’t the same.
I’m stubborn as hell, so now that I’ve decided to quit – I fucking quit.
I don’t expect anyone to stop smoking cigarettes because I stopped. It’s up to each individual to handle their life as they wish to. I’ve been smoking for over 30 years and stopped only during pregnancies – well part of my pregnancies. I’ve never had the urge to quit before now and I sure as hell promise NOT to become one of those self righteous non-smokers that I’ve come to despise.
To all those who gave me unsolicited advice about my habit: it didn’t help – nope, NEVER. I probably smoked extra cigarettes based on you bothering me. Because you smoked for 3 weeks back in college doesn’t compare to a 30 year addiction -you assumed you knew what the hell I was going through. You didn’t – you just sounded stupid to me.
I look so cute when I smoke – I’ll miss that extra cuteness factor. Maybe I’ll find something else to do with my lips and hands…
Anyway, I’m grouchy as hell – yes, my period has decided to reappear, I’m going through serious withdrawal AND it’s only 11 a.m. I’ve been here for what seemed like hours and it’s only 11 fucking a.m.
No one has told me that I look good today – I’m tapping my toes very impatiently now – I need some positive reinforcement. Do I need to send a memo requesting a compliment? Should I designate my admirer of the day?
I’m just grouchy. I’ll literally take a chill pill (Midol) now, and see what happens.