Immature Stuff

I’m old as them thar hills, but my sense of humor hasn’t grown up. I find certain names to be hilarious, and I have to really make myself keep a straight face when I find something funny that other adults just don’t. Why other adults insist on being grown ups is beyond me. I’m here to have fun.

The name ‘Dick Small’ is just too funny to me. Why not call yourself Rick or Richard or Ricky? What if after he gets undressed you find that his dick really is small. What then? I know that it’s currently PC to say that size doesn’t matter – it doesn’t when we’re working within certain parameters – but c’mon, outside those parameters it does. (to all my guy readers – of course I don’t mean any of you – you’re the best! …and of course your assets fall well within those parameters)

When I lived in NYC, I’d hear the name ‘Lipshitz’ on a regular basis, and I’d have to fight down the giggles. I’m sure the name means something fabulous in the mother tongue, but hey – we’re in America, I’m immature and I always imagine some sort of vague little shitty lips.

When I was a kid (not as long ago as you think), I’d get excited when the new phone books were delivered – I just had to see if Zora Zzyz was still the last entry in the Queens directory. It didn’t take much to amuse me back then and I remember always hoping that Zora still held her place each year. Sadly, one year I checked and there was a new sheriff in town – I actually said a prayer that Zora had only moved – not died.

Certain words make me smile for no real reason – (no, not the attractive cover girl smile you’re imagining – that goofy, “oh shit” smile regulary worn by idiots all over the world). The word “monkey” is hilarious to me. “Pokey”, “stinky”, and “dooky” are funny. If you cross my path and I have that far away look in my eye and a stupid grin going on, realize that I’m probably thinking of stinky monkeys making dooky.

I don’t generally like slapstick type humor but to watch an ghetto runway queen (every where she walks is a catwalk – everyone she meets is a potential producer) trip and wobble a little and then try to play it off (like – “I meant to do that”) is funny as hell to me. I usually love it when someone gets knocked off the pedestal of their own making.

Another slapstick type funny move is the “shaking my long luxurious all natural hair out of my face…then the oh no, there goes my weave” move. I’ve never seen a chick pick up that lost piece of hair. They always ignore it and I suppose pretend that the honey blond extension is from another girls head. I’ve seen this more than once.

One of my favorite shows on television is South Park – I never tire of their very special brand of humor. My favorite character a while back was Big Gay Al. Why? His name is just funny. Big Gay Al. Say it out loud. Funny as hell. Then there’s the catch phrases from the show that I find the need to repeat endlessly. “Tim-may! Timmy, Timmy, Tim-may! Some people get my joke and laugh, some people get my joke and give me “the look”, some people think I’m a special needs adult since I use the character’s inflection everytime I say it. “Tim-may! Timmy, Timmy, Tim-may!” I imagine it’s probably annoying to others, but because of my immaturity level I find that I really don’t care since it’s funny to me.

There was a time when I would only watch TV shows like Ren and Stimpy, Mad TV, PeeWee’s Playhouse, and Beevis and Butthead. I wasn’t exactly the commercial marketing department’s dream target audience for any of these shows but I was dedicated.

Gross jokes and mean jokes are my favorites to hear. I don’t really tell them since I want people to think I’m nicer than I really am (isn’t this another sign of immaturity?), but I truly relish hearing a new gross joke. Send ’em in – I promise I’ll appreciate them.

Are you mature yet?

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “Immature Stuff

  1. Chase

    Oh lord no, I’m not mature! Just look at ANY entry on my blog!! haha!

    And, btw, I was giggling through your whole post. Especially when you said ‘dooky’. One of my favorites is when someone is talking about a civic duty…or jury duty…

    Heh. Doody.

  2. Mike

    I find some of the silliest things the most amusing too.

  3. hot coffee girl

    There is a dentist in the town I grew up named Richard Everhard. But-and I shit you not-he goes by “Dick”. Dick Everhard. OMG. Can you imagine if he had gone into uriology? He would have to sign the Viagara prescriptions, Dick Everhard.

    I have not grown up, either.

  4. Trying2BMe

    I am still wiping the tears from my demented face. I too suffer from “Joke and Laughter Incontinence” or a.k.a. “JALI”.

    I cannot help but laugh at the rude, gross and distasteful things and find humor is certain words like tallywhacker.

    The all time best is seeing someone laugh till their drink comes out their nose… CLASSIC!

  5. dirk.mancuso

    Tim-may!

    Jali, I laugh so hard at Timmy and J-J-J-Jimmy — I know I am going straight to hell.

    Ditto, Big Gay Al. “I’m super, thanks for asking!”

    I have a feeling we would be doubled over laughing our asses off if we ever had lunch.

  6. heartinsanfrancisco

    One summer on Fire Island, I knew a woman named Jane Everhard. She wore bathing suits that failed to hide her bleached pubic hair (so her platinum blonde head hair would look natural, I suppose. Fat chance of that) and was rather famous in those parts (hee hee) for being available to Everyman.

    I always have a running commentary in my head about everything, which makes it really challenging to pass for grown up. But on the other hand, I’m easily entertained and never bored.

  7. Ole Blue The Heretic

    I laugh at all of the things that you have mentioned. I think it is all funny.

    sincerly
    Ima Hogg

  8. Elaine

    What is this “mature” you speak of???

    TI-MAAAAAY!!

    a good comback to any debate by the way.

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  10. ~Macarena~

    Sadly, Richard Seaman doesn’t go by “Dick.”

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  15. C

    Have your heard the name of that one NASCAR driver – his name is Dick Trickle. I kid you not.

    At lunch today I had the VP squirming when he said something about body piercings being so odd and I just busted out saying – yeah especially those that are not seen by everyone. I laughed and my co-workers were like she did not! I like being crazy like that.

  16. Steph

    Someone tripping is my all time fave giggle.
    Despite the fact that i do it regularly myself 😛

  17. mist1

    Once met a man named Dick Sprat. Cracked me up. Have always wanted to meet a Richard Hurtz.

  18. kav

    God I love Timmy.

    I sometimes have hour-long sessions where I just sit jittering and squawking

    TIMMEH! TIMMEH!

    I love your sense of humour.

  19. Amadeo

    Points for Ren and Stimpy and South Park…two of the songs that stay in my head are the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” song and Timmy’s song with Lords of the Underworld.

    Best quote by Ren: “You coveted my ice cream bar. I’ve had this ice cream bar since I was a child.”

  20. Dawn (webmiztris)

    South Park and Family Guy are the best shows on TV HANDS DOWN!

  21. Kris to the Tee

    hmm.. i think blogger ate my comment.

    so a shorter and less sweet version

    watching adults fall — great guilty pleasure

    watching kids fall — secret guilty pleasure

    Smooches!

  22. Fairmaiden327

    What an enjoyable post. After leaving here and reading my musings, I think I know why Mensa rejected my application.

  23. Miss Ann Thrope

    Ok, this might get me called a racist again but I am all over stereotypical type jokes…sorry, they crack me up. Stereotypes exist because there’s some truth to them.

    Also, disqusting dirty jokes. I am much more likely to regale you with those if I am drunk.

    And as gross at it may seem, some of the best dirty jokes I’ve ever heard have been told to me by my Dad.

    Of course, we must take into account the fact that I am deeply disturbed and quite demented…and irreverent.

    Laughing is good…especially if it’s at somebody elses expense. 😀

  24. I was also a Zora Zzyz fan…

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