I need your help. I need to lose weight and my new plan is internet inspired – tell me something funny so I can Laugh My Ass Off. I don’t mind Rolling On The Floor while I do it since that’ll be an extra workout. Others on the ‘net must have really flat butts since they use this term so frequently. If you post at http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/ please read the caution on the right side of the page. He outlawed lol a while back.
My inspiration to lose weight about 15 years ago was my son. The kid was about 4 at the time and I was looking in the mirror and I commented that I looked fat. Charlie tried to make me feel better and said, “You’re not fat Mommy – You’re just plump”.
I started a diet that same day.
One of my new hobbies brings me so much joy. I didn’t need to buy any equipment – all I needed was right here. No one else needs to get involved, and I’m a natural. What’s my new hobby? Napping. It’s something I’m damn good at and I’m determined to keep it up.
Living alone can be fun. I haven’t had to play the “find the remote” game or the “where’s the toilet paper” game since I got this place. I can stay stinky all day and shower at 3 in the afternoon if I wish. I can eat ramen noodles all weekend out of pure laziness. I can read all weekend without interruption and I can watch whatever I want on TV. My one major drawback – the regular cramping of my right hand. ( that was the punchline folks – well it was funny to me!)
Why is it when I’m home alone I wait until the very last second to use the bathroom? I always treat myself as though peeing is the big reward for finishing something. “I’ll go pee after I finish folding these clothes” or “I’ll pee after I vacuum the bedroom.” I alway end up trying to race while holding my legs together (like a demented Charlie Chaplin walk) and I’ll admit it here, I lose the race occasionally. You would think that I’d learn and go when my body gives the signal – but NOOOO – not me. I always have to have something to read in the bathroom, so as I’m racing, I’m also trying to grab some reading material. It’s comedy every day at jalis house.
The happiest day of the year my birthday is on November 20th. I love the happiest day of the year my birthday more than any other holiday and I expect the world to celebrate with me. I had ambitious plans to throw a big bash this year for the happiest day of the year my birthday but it ain’t happening, so the world is going to have to come up with some surprises.