Random Stuff (re-mix)

I need your help. I need to lose weight and my new plan is internet inspired – tell me something funny so I can Laugh My Ass Off. I don’t mind Rolling On The Floor while I do it since that’ll be an extra workout.  Others on the ‘net must have really flat butts since they use this term so frequently. If you post at http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/  please read the caution on the right side of the page. He outlawed lol a while back.

My inspiration to lose weight about 15 years ago was my son. The kid was about 4 at the time and I was looking in the mirror and I commented that I looked fat. Charlie tried to make me feel better and said, “You’re not fat Mommy – You’re just plump”.  

Plump?

Plump???

I started a diet that same day.

One of my new hobbies brings me so much joy. I didn’t need to buy any equipment – all I needed was right here. No one else needs to get involved, and I’m a natural. What’s my new hobby? Napping. It’s something I’m damn good at and I’m determined to keep it up.

Living alone can be fun. I haven’t had to play the “find the remote” game or the “where’s the toilet paper” game since I got this place.  I can stay stinky all day and shower at 3 in the afternoon if I wish. I can eat ramen noodles all weekend out of pure laziness.  I can read all weekend without interruption and I can watch whatever I want on TV. My one major drawback – the regular cramping of my right hand. ( that was the punchline folks – well it was funny to me!)

Why is it when I’m home alone I wait until the very last second to use the bathroom? I always treat myself as though peeing is the big reward for finishing something. “I’ll go pee after I finish folding these clothes” or “I’ll pee after I vacuum the bedroom.” I alway end up trying to race while holding my legs together (like a demented Charlie Chaplin walk) and I’ll admit it here, I lose the race occasionally. You would think that I’d learn and go when my body gives the signal – but NOOOO – not me.  I always have to have something to read in the bathroom, so as I’m racing, I’m also trying to grab some reading material. It’s comedy every day at jalis house.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:

The happiest day of the year my birthday is on November 20th. I love the happiest day of the year my birthday more than any other holiday and I expect the world to celebrate with me. I had ambitious plans to throw a big bash this year for the happiest day of the year my birthday but it ain’t happening, so the world is going to have to come up with some surprises. 

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “Random Stuff (re-mix)

  1. Hah! Mine is the 29th…I always knew November was a good month.

  2. LBB

    Hey Jali. I like the new spread.

    I’m the same way with urination. I fight it until the last.

    Happy mo-effin’ birfday.

  3. I’ll make sure to mark that oh-so-important day on my calendar and give ya PLENTY of b-day wishes…

  4. We’ll celebrate hard-core in Dallas, honey. Trust. We’ll party like it’s 1499.

    Wait.

  5. CP

    Yeah! WE can have an internet blogosphere party! Invite everyone…and the best thing? No clean up!!! Well…maybe a keyboard or two.

  6. You do lose weight while sleeping! Man, I used to be a champion napper. I don’t know how I lost the gift, but now, I never know whether I’ll sleep 20 minutes or 2+ hours.

    All the great stuff you list about living alone is part of why I want to keep doing it. I don’t want to have stupid fights over the remote or listen to crap someone else is watching on T.V. in another room.

    I sometimes do a pants dance while compiling items I need to amuse myself while in the bathroom. More than once, I have taken my laptop + the trash can that serves as its base, and had to remove the bathroom trash can from the toilet, where it sits on the toilet to remind me it needs a new bag.

  7. Love the new digs. Birthday huh…on the 20th, hmm, I like birthdays.

    On another subject, I’ll be in your city for Thanksgiving – my parents live there – I used to 13 yrs ago — anyway, I was thinking of a bloggers get together maybe that Friday night after Thanksgiving, but I have no clue where we could have it. Would you be down for an ATL Blogger meet and greet?

  8. My b-day is four days later! AWWWW SOOKIE!

    And dude, I don’t even know what’s up with the pee thing. I think we’re traumatized from elementary school. Having to raise your hand and be under the scrutiny of the teacher as to whether or not you “really” needed to go.

  9. So true about the waiting to pee thing. I don’t get it at all either.

    Good luck on the weight loss thing. I’m writing about my efforts over at http://curvesfoods.com/blogs/

  10. M@

    So that’s what’s wrong with you.

  11. I do that same pee thing. Except I always make it (here’s where I’d put an lol, but apparently that’s wrong)

  12. Its like you use the having to pee as an incentive to finish what you’re doing faster. I do the same. But with chocolate.

  13. Girlie! I need your address! SEND IT TO ME!!!

    Muah!

  14. RE: waiting to use the bathroom

    I have three girls, 7, 4 and 2 years old and I am a stay at home mom, or homemaker, if you prefer. And I frequently run into that issue. Except, I’ll be heading for the can and then someone needs a juice refill, or a bowl or cheez-its, or a blanket fixed or something.

    And at times, as I am sprinting to the bathroom I think, ‘Damnation, is it so much to ask to be able to take a quick pee when the mood actually strikes you?’

    I’m surprised that yours is self-imposed as you live alone. I say pee, woman. With abandon, when the mood strikes you.

    The clothes will wait!

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