Apology and Explanation Stuff

Hi everyone –

This is my apology post. (how many times have I done this???)

Okay-  I rejoined BlackPlanet (the world is yours) and I’ve been on that site every single day this week.  http://www.blackplanet.com/jalicook/

Every.

Single.

Day.

I’ve been on their rating system. See guys, you post a photo of yourself and submit it for rating by any member of the community. You can also rate any member’s photo they’ve submitted.

The first day, I was happy. My ratings were 9s and10s and my little ego turned into a big monster. I felt like I was one of the cool kids again (if anyone claims that I wasn’t one of the cool kids in high school – well – you’re a damn liar – I was! I really was!) (for a chick in a Catholic School uniform and afro puffs). The message on my page from BlackPlanet didn’t help: you’re hotter than 90% of the women on Blackplanet. Oooh. Mamma likes.

The second day, my ratings began to slide. What! I checked the faces of the ones who were rating me. How could this be? An 8 – naw man. I don’t want to be an 8. Look at my ratings from yesterday – I was a solid 9 yesterday… I tried to penetrate the minds of those voting that day.  I sent my “vote high” vibrations all over the website hoping to make a change.

The third day the slide developed into a freefall to the bottom of the ratings. Somebody gave me a 2. Yes – a 2! Was this ratings karma? Did I make a mistake in scoring someone else. Oh no – now my average is gonna suck!

The fourth day was a recovery day of sorts, but I didn’t see any new 9s or 10s. I was getting 7s and 8s. What! Maybe I can contact these people before they rate me and do something to influence their votes. Make them understand that my poor little ego needs to be fed. By strangers. On a webs….

This is when I had my “aha!” moment. What the hell do I care what rating some stranger in Minneapolis gives me. I love myself. Damn – how did I let myself get into the scoring system as though I didn’t know better. There are some truly interesting photos of people on the site and I’ve enjoyed rating them. (I don’t rate anyone less than a 7 unless they’re using a “stock” photo.)

I’ve found a few old online buddies and I’ve had quite a few good email conversations on the site. I just joined a group of people who wear their hair in locs – it’s been pretty good so far. Hopefully I can break my addiction – this is my first step : posting – and begin my recovery.

I’ll say it: My name is jali and I’m an egomaniac.